32 Rules for Mothers of Daughters
In 2012, before my first daughter was born, I wrote a post titled, "25 Rules for Mothers of Daughters" which was my first ever post to go viral and just about shut down my meek Blogger blog from the traffic surging through it. The morning I was being induced with my daughter, Delaney, was also the morning I realized just how viral the post had gone. From there, I had numerous blogs and sites repost my words (without asking permission or giving credit) and my silly little, rant-filled blog got quite the following. Ironically, I was (literally) JUST becoming a mother to a daughter. I didn't really know too much. I just had dreams of the kind of mother I would be to her, really.
So now, almost 7 years and 2 daughters (and 2 sons for that matter) later, I decided to revisit and revise my Rules for Mothers of Daughters and add some new insight...and new rules to it. So now, here are my 32 Rules for Mothers of Daughters.
1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.
2. Let her be a cheerleader. This is a new rule for me. Gosh, did I cringe at cheerleading as a young, "tomboy" growing up. But you know what? Those girls work their butts off. So, let her prove to the world that pep is not prissy. And that wearing bows does not make you weak or girly. Let her redefine what it means to be a girl.
3. Share a large cheese with her. Never, ever, ever let her feel guilty about a night of completely vegging out, gushing over a good-ole-fashion RomCom and stuffing her face with pizza. It's good for the soul and is truly a right of passage to true happiness.
4. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.
5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.
6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.
7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl tangled up in flowers.
8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.
9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.
10. Give her faith. I am not necessarily talking about God. But perhaps, for you, I am (and that is beautiful too). For me and my girl, I am talking about generally giving her the belief that the world is larger than her. Much, much larger. Teach her to have faith that the universe already has everything she needs and it is up to her to go out and get it. Energy and karma is powerful. Tell her to embrace the source energy all around her and tap into the positive. Nothing good ever happened to a pessimist with a half full glass. Viewpoint and positive thinking is her superpower.
11. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.
12. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.
13. Let her choose her clothes and decorate her room. I vomit a little in my mouth when I see character bedding or shirts with giant disney characters on them. But you know what? These items are a simple, everyday ways for our girls to show the world who they are, and who they want to be. If she loves Belle and begs for her to be plastered all over her bedroom, embrace it...she is trying to define herself. Let her. Even if you swore that your kid wouldn't be that kid.
14. Teach her that healthy is more important than skinny. Women come in all shapes and sizes. If you feel good, you look good. And feeling good comes from being healthy NOT from being skinny. Let me repeat that: feeling good comes from being HEALTHY, not being skinny.
15. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.
16. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.
17. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.
18. Let her watch Twilight. Again, this may be an individual rule. But, as a mother of 6 year old who loves love, I want to foster and enhance that in her. I'm not afraid of the inappropriate scenes or the over-the-top intensity of it all. You know why? I want her to dream. And dream big. And believe in the impossible. But more importantly, I never want her to feel like I'm not keeping anything from her or that she can't talk to me about anything and everything.
19. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.
20. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.
21. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.
22. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.
23. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.
24. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.
25. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.
26. Instill confidence within her. There is a huge difference in confidence and cockiness. She can believe in herself without bragging about her talents or sounding snooty. And, if she believes in herself and sends only positive vibes into the universe in a graceful manner, the universe will embrace her powers and welcome her confidence with open arms.
27. Teach her the value of true friendship. Never, ever let her be okay with the petty "unfriending" that children too often do. Never, ever let her be okay with a friend who does not cheer her on and only wants to bring her down. And, with that said, never, ever let her be a friend who "unfriends" or who does not support her friends. Friendship should be jam packed with mutual respect and well wishes, if that is absent then so isn't the friendship.
28. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.
29. Mother her. Being a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.
30. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.
31. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.30. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."
32. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you; welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news; embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you; find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit; tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor - where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.
What rules would you add?
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