First, you need to take a deep breath and be alone to read this because you are going to get angry and upset and its going to show on your face. Please also try to really take in what I am saying and give me your patience and kindness. I know I am going to be saying the opposite of what I said yesterday but bear with me while I ride the waves of these very intense emotions. I have been patient with you. Please do the same for me or I am going to shut down. We have to work through this together and the only way to do that is to say what’s on our minds without fear. So you need time with this one.

DID YOU ACTUALLY TELL ME TO STOP FUCKING WHINING? Thats crazy.

I’m trying to sort through what I need to say, and honestly, I’m exhausted by how familiar this feels—me forgetting to take care of myself, again. I’m so sick of it. I keep telling myself I’ll put myself first, and then somehow I end up here, asking you for something real and getting…nothing. A handful of song lyrics thrown at me like scraps. Like you’re flinging confusion at me while I’m the one trying to make sense of it.

And let’s be clear: you did this.
You called me out of nowhere. You haven’t even explained why.
You told me marriage matters to you and you don’t want to jeopardize it—yet you were the one who reached for me. After that first call, I checked on you because I genuinely thought something was wrong. And instead of pulling back, you called again… and told me you love me.

And since then?
You listen. You nod. You ask questions. You let me walk you through every possible future while giving me almost nothing about what you feel or want. I’m the one carrying the weight of this conversation while you debate whether you can picture anything at all. And it makes no sense, because you are the one who blew this open. I am giving you so much. You take in my advice and my words and my whole fucking heart. You know how I feel. I have left nothing open to interpretation. It’s so unfair.

Why am I pushing for clarity?
Why am I helping you decide whether or not you want the thing you initiated?

You should be the one pursuing me. Telling me what you see. Telling me why you reached out in the first place. Telling me what the future looks like to you. All I’ve heard so far is uncertainty.

Meanwhile, I told you exactly who I am:
I stand on my own. I choose myself. I love my life, my kids, my direction. I had a plan. And you came in and changed everything.

Why would I throw away my own plan and blow up my life for someone who can’t even give me a hint of hope? Songs that make me feel something just for you to pull the rug out from under me and give me NOTHING I WANT TO HEAR instead I get, “stop whining about it.”

Take all the time you need. I need time too. But the truth is simple:
If you want this, then want it.
Figure it out. Show up with something real. Because I will NOT convince you. I will not push you. I’m done bleeding myself dry for people who give me crumbs.

You want this? You prove it.
I’m done being the one who fixes, carries, and nurtures.

I know my worth.
I am a prize.
I am someone worth choosing, worth fighting for, worth keeping safe—and I can give that back tenfold.

My biggest fear is that you’ll agree with everything I’m saying and walk away, pretending it’s the noble thing to do. And yes, I’ll be fine. I always am. But I don’t think you will be. You’ll end up looking back in 5, 10, 20 years and realizing you let something real slip through your fingers. I’m offering a window, not a guarantee. I will not climb through it for you. You either step up or step back.

And I’m saying all this because I know you need time. I’m not expecting an answer right now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel softer, more grounded, more able to support you. But today? Today I’m furious. Furious that you pulled me into this and gave me nothing of substance in return except broken song lyrics that scream “undeniable love” while you verbally question whether that love is even real. Furious that you told me to STOP WHINING. This is exactly my point: I deserve someone to pull me out of this shit too, just like I’ve pulled you out when you’ve asked.

And one more thing (take another breath here):
Do not throw the “kids” argument at me like you have the moral high ground. Research actually shows it’s easier for kids to navigate divorce when they’re younger. It’s harder when they have seen their parent put off leaving their whole lives and never choosing themselves until it’s already too late and the damage is done. I have four kids. You have one. None of this is easier for you than it is for me. This is hard all around. Not fighting in your marriage doesn’t make leaving harder—it just makes the silence louder.

I’m pissed.
And again: YOU did this.

Here are the messages I’ve received from you—directly or indirectly—that are cutting deep:

• You say marriage is important and should be protected… yet you crossed the line with me.

• You say you can’t picture blending families.

• You say you don’t know how you feel.

• Your lyrics say one thing. Your words say another.

• You keep me hanging in uncertainty you created.

• You don’t want to cross any physical lines yet this is so much deeper than that

I deserve clarity. I deserve effort. I deserve someone who doesn’t hide behind confusion.

And I’m done pretending otherwise.

Please don’t text me no matter what.

Let me know when you’ve seen this with a message but do not rush with your full response cause this needs time to resonate. A simple “received” is fine. But I expect a thought-out, respectful response when youre ready. If you give me one sentence only as your only response to this, the damage cannot be undone.

If you want, you can wait until Sunday evening or Monday morning to respond. Maybe you need space and time for this just give me a heads up so I know when I can expect to hear from you. I’m sorry if this hurt you.